Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I'll Run Away with You

The shuffle saved me tonight while the mood was a blender set to frappe, and my insides all cycloning, I tore out the door running and out to the park where the songs of infinite cheez-whiz kept my feet as angry as they were sad and as sad as could keep them churning (which kept the blender switched off in the stomach). I came home awash in sweat and just enough endorphin-buzz to keep me from weeping. Yes, one of those days, but not without good reason and not without gains. For a minute, I could see how much was possible and how wrong so many of the previous places had been for finding it. There's that and that's not nothing.

So,I am a sea of self-indulgence tonight and self-indulgence makes a great bedfellow for Ms. Nin's various wisdoms.

People living deeply have no fear of death.

The dream was always running ahead of me. To catch up, to live for a moment in unison with it, that was the miracle

There are very few human beings who receive the truth, complete and staggering, by instant illumination. Most of them acquire it fragment by fragment, on a small scale, by successive developments, cellularly, like a laborious mosaic.

Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.

Do not seek the because - in love there is no because, no reason, no explanation, no solutions.

A leaf fluttered in through the window this morning, as if supported by the rays of the sun, a bird settled on the fire escape, joy in the task of coffee, joy accompanied me as I walked.

That last one is a feeling I had for nearly six whole months. Then I risked it, and for good worth-it reason and I tripped, but I'm good for it, a little scraped but only flesh wounded. It's only Wednesday night, after all, and not the end of the world. Beginning with Anais and ending with The Cure, how odd that journey.

...a raging sea Stole the only girl I loved, drowned her deep inside of me


Sara said...

I read your book yesterday, finally. It made me teary-eyed and in love with words all over again. Thanks for that.


a-smk said...


What a wonderful thing to say. I follow your words and I am honored if mine were meaningful to you. It's a week where I need to remember that it matters that it matters. Thanks for this. -s

Sara said...

My pleasure. :)