Thursday, January 14, 2010

Goodnight & Keep Cold

with apologies to Mr.Frost. I am feeling anxious and a bit blue. Odd how that can be after my big declaration of happiness these past weeks. And I am happy. This restlessness feels like a momentary rash. Light, not throat-closing, just itchy and truly temporary but annoying. Like I want to feel something secure in my world, that my time is used well, that I'm feeling and breathing in technicolor. Because a taste of a time that looked like that makes me go all immature-me and want everything to always feel like so much. It can't and it really shouldn't, much of our days are devoted to keeping the lights on and much of our days should be. But sometimes I feel like I want to bask in intensity, or go to New York and let all of its goings-on make me feel like somewhere there are Chinatowns and their color and chaos remind me that I want and don't want so much to be so vivid all of the time. Tonight, I'm unconvinced.

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